Why Are We So Negative?

Introduction · 5 min

Introduction

Hook

My grandfather used to ask us all the time, “How’s your PMA?” Positive Mental Attitude, on a scale of 1 to 10, and he expected an honest number. Ask yourself this morning: what is yours? Why do we default to negativity? Why is complaining so easy, and so common? Nobody has to be taught to grumble about the weather, the traffic, the boss or the preacher. And what does God expect of us in those moments, when the frustration is real and the words are already on the way out?

Need

Negativity is a habitual focus on what is wrong. It leads to complaining without action, bitterness without resolution and hopelessness instead of trust. This is not about getting rid of every negative emotion: Scripture does not condemn sorrow, frustration or grief. The issue is how we process and express them. Scripture shows two paths through the same hard moment: grumbling, blaming and despair, or lament, prayer and renewal. Same circumstances, same emotions, very different outcomes. So before we read, ask the question again: How’s your PMA? Not whether the circumstances are good, but which path you take through them.

Read

Read James 3:8–12 aloud. Ask the congregation to listen for the five words at the end of verse 10, “these things ought not so to be,” and for the three pictures James uses to say why.

No man can tame the tongue, and negativity left to itself turns into despair, blame and accusation; a mouth that blesses God and curses men reveals a divided heart, and “these things ought not so to be.”

• Despairing cynicism: Job’s wife said, “Dost thou still hold fast thine integrity? renounce God, and die” (Job 2:9). Despair and frustration lead to abandoning God. Job answered, “shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips” (2:10).
• Folly, ruin, then blame: “The foolishness of man subverteth his way; And his heart fretteth against Jehovah” (Proverbs 19:3; the NASB has “his heart rages against the LORD”). A man makes a mistake, suffers for it, and then is angry with God.
• Repent or despair? When we stumble, which do we do? Judas “repented himself” and brought back the silver, then “went away and hanged himself” (Matthew 27:3–5). Peter, who denied the Lord the same night, “went out, and wept bitterly” (Luke 22:62) and came back.
• Frustration turned accusation: Martha, “cumbered about much serving,” came to Jesus and said, “Lord, dost thou not care that my sister did leave me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me” (Luke 10:40). Frustration can quietly become an accusation against others, and even against the Lord.
• A divided tongue: “Therewith bless we the Lord and Father; and therewith curse we men, who are made after the likeness of God” (v. 9). A divided tongue reveals a divided heart, “for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matthew 12:34), and it hinders worship: “this man’s religion is vain” (James 1:26). The contradiction does not fit who you are in Christ.
• Today: frustration with work and authority (“They don’t care about us at all,” “My boss is incompetent”); a cynical reading of everything (“Nothing ever changes,” “Of course that didn’t work out”); venting as spreading, long rants with no reflection or prayer. We aren’t getting it out of our system, just passing it around: a “root of bitterness springing up” troubles us, “and thereby the many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).
• Modern amplifiers: rants in social media posts, group chats that exist just to complain, private frustration turned into shared bitterness loops. “Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but such as is good for edifying… that it may give grace to them that hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

On screen, one click each

1. Despair “Renounce God, and die”: frustration that walks away from God. Job 2:9–10
2. Blame Our own folly ruins our way, and then the heart frets against God. Proverbs 19:3
3. Accuse “Lord, dost thou not care?” Frustration turned on others. Luke 10:40
4. Spread Venting doesn’t get it out of our system; it passes it around. Hebrews 12:15

Illustration

Martha opened her home to Jesus, a good work (Luke 10:38). But while Mary sat at His feet, the serving piled up, and so did the frustration. When it finally came out, it came out sideways: an accusation against her sister and a question to the Lord, “dost thou not care?” Jesus answered gently, “Martha, Martha, thou art anxious and troubled about many things: but one thing is needful” (10:41–42). Later, at her brother’s tomb, Martha came to Him with her grief again: “Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.” This time the grief led to faith: “Yea, Lord: I have believed that thou art the Christ, the Son of God” (John 11:21, 27). Same Martha, same honest pain, a very different outcome.

Potential Activity to Recommend

For one week, listen to yourself. Each time you complain, ask three questions: Is this lament to God, or accusation against someone? Is there something I can do about it? Will saying it give grace to those who hear it (Ephesians 4:29)? Before you post or forward a rant, pray about it instead. If you are in a group chat that exists to complain, change its direction or leave it.

Transition

Same circumstances, same emotions, very different outcomes. If grumbling, blaming and despair are the wrong way through the hard moments, Scripture shows us the right one.

One spring cannot send out sweet water and bitter; God does not ask us to pretend the bitterness is not there, but to bring it to Him in lament, godly sorrow and prayer, where it can be changed.

• Lament brings pain to God instead of dwelling on it. David began, “How long, O Jehovah? wilt thou forget me for ever?” and ended, “I will sing unto Jehovah, Because he hath dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:1, 6). “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?… Hope thou in God” (Psalm 42:5). Lament grows our relationship with God rather than hindering it.
• Frustration becomes prayer instead of complaint: “I pour out my complaint before him; I show before him my trouble” (Psalm 142:2). The complaint goes to Him, not about Him to everyone else.
• Godly sorrow brings repentance instead of despair: “godly sorrow worketh repentance unto salvation, a repentance which bringeth no regret: but the sorrow of the world worketh death” (2 Corinthians 7:10). Guilt is meant to restore, not destroy. Peter wept bitterly, and Jesus restored him: “Feed my sheep” (John 21:15–17).
• Sin brought into the light cannot be rationalized: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins” (1 John 1:9). “When I kept silence, my bones wasted away… I said, I will confess my transgressions unto Jehovah; And thou forgavest” (Psalm 32:3–5).
• Prayerful dependence restores worship. Instead of venting outward, we turn inward toward God, and the heart is centered on Him again: “Create in me a clean heart, O God… Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation” (Psalm 51:10, 12).
• God offers to lift us up: “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you… Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall exalt you” (James 4:8, 10), “casting all your anxiety upon him, because he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

On screen, one click each

1. Lament Bring the pain to God: “How long?” ends in “I will sing.” Psalm 13:1, 6
2. Godly sorrow Let guilt lead to repentance and restoration, not despair. 2 Corinthians 7:10
3. Confess Sin brought into the light is forgiven, not explained away. 1 John 1:9
4. Draw near Turn to God instead of venting outward, and He will lift you up. James 4:8, 10

Illustration

Every year at Shiloh, Hannah’s rival “provoked her sore, to make her fret,” until Hannah wept and would not eat (1 Samuel 1:6–7). She had every reason for bitterness, and she was bitter: “she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto Jehovah, and wept sore” (1:10). She did not take it out on Peninnah or on Elkanah. She took it to God. When Eli accused her of being drunk, she said, “I poured out my soul before Jehovah” (1:15). Then she “went her way, and did eat; and her countenance was no more sad” (1:18), before Samuel was born, before she had any answer but God’s hearing. The circumstance had not changed yet. Where she took it had.

Potential Activity to Recommend

This week, pray your own “How long?” Tell God plainly what is wrong, as David did in Psalm 13:1–4. Then finish as he did, with one thing you trust God for (13:5–6). If what weighs on you is guilt, confess it to God, and to the person you wronged if there is one (James 5:16).

Transition

Lament, godly sorrow and prayer change where the bitter water goes. James’s last question goes deeper: a fig tree cannot yield olives. What comes out depends on what we are, and only God can change that.

A fig tree cannot yield olives, and a heart cannot change its own nature; God does not call us to suppress negativity but to be transformed through Him, a renewal of mind, heart and response.

• Transformed, not suppressed: “be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). Pressing the lid down on bitterness only changes when it comes out; God means to change what is inside. “Either make the tree good, and its fruit good” (Matthew 12:33); “A new heart also will I give you” (Ezekiel 36:26).
• The renewal is not partial. It reaches the mind: “whatsoever things are true… honorable… just… pure… lovely… think on these things” (Philippians 4:8). It reaches the heart: “Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23). It reaches our response: “In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving” (Philippians 4:6). We “put on the new man, that is being renewed” (Colossians 3:10).
• When God’s Word challenges us, do we turn away, or seek understanding and life in Him? When Jesus called Himself the bread from heaven, His disciples said, “This is a hard saying; who can hear it?” and they “murmured at this” (John 6:60–61). “Upon this many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him” (6:66).
• Those disciples left because they could not understand the imagery in Jesus’ teaching. Are we going to leave because we can’t stop complaining? Peter did not understand it all either, but he stayed: “Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life” (6:68).
• God does not remove the struggle; He redeems how we respond to it. “Though the fig-tree shall not flourish, Neither shall fruit be in the vines; The labor of the olive shall fail… Yet I will rejoice in Jehovah” (Habakkuk 3:17–18). Paul wrote, “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therein to be content” (Philippians 4:11).

On screen, one click each

1. Transformed Not suppressed but changed, by a mind God renews. Romans 12:2
2. Good tree Make the tree good, and its fruit will be good. Matthew 12:33
3. Stay When the Word is hard, don’t walk away: “To whom shall we go?” John 6:66–68
4. Yet rejoice Though the fig tree fail, yet I will rejoice in Jehovah. Habakkuk 3:17–18

Illustration

At Philippi, Paul and Silas were beaten with rods, thrown into the inner prison, and had their feet made fast in the stocks (Acts 16:22–24). If anyone had reason to complain, they did. “But about midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns unto God, and the prisoners were listening to them” (16:25). God did not take away the beating; their backs still bled. He changed what came out of their mouths in the dark, and others were listening. Before morning the jailer had asked, “what must I do to be saved?” and he and all his house were baptized (16:30–33). Venting spreads, but so does praise.

Potential Activity to Recommend

For every complaint this week, name one thing that is true, honorable or lovely (Philippians 4:8) and thank God for it out loud. Tell one person something good about someone else. And when a passage of Scripture confronts you, don’t walk away from it: stay with it, ask, and pray until it makes sense, as Peter did.

Transition

A spring cannot change its own water, and a tree cannot change its own kind. That takes the One who makes all things new.

Conclusion · 4 min

Conclusion

Recap

Call sinful negativity what it is: despair, blame, accusation and venting that spreads (vv. 8–10). Bring the bitter moments to God in lament, godly sorrow and prayer (v. 11). Let Him renew the tree, not just trim the fruit (v. 12).

Gospel

Jesus had every reason to be bitter. He prayed, “let this cup pass away from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt” (Matthew 26:39). At the cross they offered Him wine mingled with gall (Matthew 27:34), and “when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously” (1 Peter 2:23). He bore our sins so that in Him we might be new creatures (2 Corinthians 5:17), with a new source for what flows out of us.

Invitation

If you have not obeyed the gospel, God offers a new heart today: believe in Christ, repent, confess Him, and be baptized into Christ for the remission of your sins (Acts 2:38; Romans 10:9–10; Galatians 3:27). If you are a Christian and bitterness has taken root, bring it to God, and come and let the church pray with you (James 5:16).

Close

Ask one last time, “How’s your PMA?” and let the answer rest on Christ, not circumstances. Then read Psalm 19:14 together as a prayer, and let it be the last word.